When he doesn’t reply…

We have all been there, in that place when messaging that “could be special one” and the reply seems to get caught up in the cyber cloud and never actually appears on your phone. Your mind immediately goes from zero to eighty in no time and then the fear pops up with a side of anxiety.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Is he over me already?”

“Maybe I’m not interesting enough?”

“Oh he’s just busy. He’ll reply tomorrow.”

Then tomorrow comes and goes and there is still no reply.

“Oh, he is just taking a social media break.”

“He’s just busy with a big work project.”

The checking of your phone multiplies from twice a day to once an hour. You make sure to check every social media profile..just in case. But honey, it isn’t coming. The story lines that you have been filling your imagination with are not the case.  He isn’t too busy to reply and he isn’t on a huge work project. Actually, he just decided not to reply for reasons that you will never know because #1 you are not a man, and #2 you are not a man.

I know its frustrating. I know it may even be painful.

Trust me, I understand and I’ve been in that exact place. Really I have, and more recently then I’d like to admit.

But it is time to uncover the real issue that it troubling your heart. It isn’t that this one guy didn’t respond (even if you do feel like this is the end of your world), the real issue at hand is that your heart hurts and needs attention. But not the attention of any man, the attention of your Father.

It is prime time that you, precious one, understand that the lack of reply from him, in NO way means that you are not worthy or not valued. 

His lack of reply merely means that he didn’t want to reply. This decision on his part is his business. Our business is to respond in our hearts accordingly. We must understand why this simple and small thing is causing so much pain. The probability of it being because he didn’t reply is maybe 2%. However, the hurt stemming from a lifetime of rejection, a false identity or even just lies you have unknowingly believed for far too long, now that sounds more likely.

Our hurt, our frustration, all of those things are the side effects. The reality is, if this guy didn’t reply to your message, he probably isn’t worth your time (not to knock you guys reading this) because I know that you’d probably want a guy that was interested in you and if he is interested  then he will initiate, he will reply, and he will pursue conversation with you. Because you pursue the things you like.

For me, in my most recent encounter of said feelings, I didn’t like where my head was taking me so I stopped and I asked the Father to speak and reveal where my heart was at. My hurt wasn’t from this guy and his lack of reply. My hurt was rooted from never having my voice heard or valued growing up and that issue was just highlighted by this situation.

I had just made some silly grammar error but my insecurity in what I had to say led me to immediately doubt myself and my words, “if you had only proof read the message Whitney” or “if you would have said something else then …”, but the reality is I am silly and I misspell and misspeak and that’s just me.

Who knows, he may just write me in a year or two or maybe not at all. But it is our place as women to respond and I want to be a woman that responds correctly, that seeks inwardly before coming to my decisions.

In 1 Kings chapter 3, we read about Solomon and his prayer for wisdom. In this chapter we see Solomon take a back seat to his own fleshly desires and ask the Lord for the Lord’s wisdom and understanding in governing the people. God’s response to this greatly encouraged me.

It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. -verse 10

God’s response was the best that could have ever been. Not only did God bask in pleasure of Solomon asking for such things, but God also gave Solomon what he asked for and more. God is the God of abundance. God gave Solomon not only the wisdom and the understanding on how to apply the wisdom, but also the desires that Solomon didn’t ask for. Riches, honor and long life, what more could a king ask for.

God is pleased when we go to Him for counsel. For life, for relationships, for transition, He is so in love with us that it only pleases Him more the more we turn to Him rather ourselves or the world.


My friend, I pray that the Father brings understanding to your heart about your feelings. That the next time a lack of reply results in no head spin but a feeling of relief that you are in a better place now then you were before. The Lord is good to guide us and eager to help us in our daily life. He isn’t a God that only wants to answer the big things, but He also just wants to walk the journey of life with you.

Often the desire to know is in direct opposition to the desire to trust. – Pastor Chris Hodges

May we be women that trust.




2 thoughts on “When he doesn’t reply…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s